thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
