My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
