I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
