Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
