Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
