But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
