How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
