Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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