it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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