So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
