Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
