Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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