We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
