Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(906): View more from Michigan

Midget sex pt 2 tonight

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(361): View more from Texas

At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.

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(516): View more from New York

i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second

(631): View more from New York

i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead

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(206): View more from Washington

I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death

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(904): View more from Florida

my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.

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(561): View more from Florida

In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm

(561): View more from Florida

Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."

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