I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
