im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
