I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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