Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
