this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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