Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
