omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
