I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
