I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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