So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
