When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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