so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
