im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
