Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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