Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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