i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
