I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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