Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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