my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
