Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
