Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
