If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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