Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
