She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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