Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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