He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
