He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
