Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Randomize
