the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
