first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
