4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
