where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
