oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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