so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
