Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
