when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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